About me

Probably, by your and this world’s standards, I am an ordinary middle-aged woman. An immigrant from the far mysterious land of Aladdin and One Thousand and One Nights who was fortunate to secure a second life contract in this marvellous land of opportunities we today call home, Australia.

Having grown up in Iraq in an ultra-conservative Catholic Christian community, my awareness and perception of the world were fairly limited and narrow. The fact that we constituted a small fraction of the predominantly Muslim population in Iraq made us further parochial and insular in our attitude and outlook toward the society and the bigger world, which was somewhat alien to us given the isolation imposed on the country by Saddam Hussein for many decades.

It was quite a shock to me when I settled in Australia and saw the multitude of people from all over the world, different faiths, cultures, races and colours. It made me realise how small this world is despite its magnitude.

Yet, instead of embracing this diversity and richness, we still live in our own shells, create our own barriers and borders and abide by our own self-imposed conventions and rules.

For me, it was a startling revelation that regardless of the place, country, society, and our level of education or exposure, we are fundamentally the same. Unfortunately, we don’t see that and, as if the isolation, division and separation imposed on us are not enough, we create our own and add it to the mix, and we wonder why the world is in such a state of disarray, marred by perpetual conflict and never-ending wars.               

Like many other Christians, I spent the majority of my life thinking I was a pious, devout Christian who knew God and walked in his way. I read the scriptures, prayed and listened to priests preach in churches and believed most of their words, if not all. The Bible was God’s word, and I followed it or more precisely followed its interpretation by the church. I was holier and purer than ‘thou’ because of my connection to God and Jesus, or so I thought.

From my early childhood, I had an affinity with Jesus, a deep, inexplicable bond which grew stronger as I grew older. Over the years, I strayed from the path at various phases of my life, only to return back after a major challenge or crisis.      

Over the years, I heard numerous calls from above, or deep within, and endless knocks on my door but ignored them. The chaos and loudness of the voices around me and inside my head totally consumed the subtle whispers of my soul.

I straddled this life like so many thinking that success in life meant high marks, a top job, a rewarding career and a picture-perfect family. The whispers got louder but still didn’t grab my attention, escalated to screams, then nudges and shoves, eventually manifesting in diseases and tragic life events.

In 2006, cancer struck like a beast out of nowhere, bringing with it an avalanche of mixed emotions, ranging from disbelief to resentment to anger to utter confusion. I was always a good girl and did the right thing by everyone. Why was God punishing me?  

My battle with cancer was fierce, but I walked out victorious. I managed to defeat the beast, as they say, but the beast managed to turn my whole world upside down, setting me out on a mission into the unknown in search of answers. Who was I, and what was my purpose in life? For years, I knocked on doors, attended a myriad of talks, workshops and retreats, saw psychics and mediums, and explored every metaphysical avenue I could find – all to no avail.  

My encounter with the Divine came much later, unexpectedly at the darkest moment of my life, in a moment of complete surrender.

I had been on my path of self-enquiry and exploration for a few years but never felt I was getting the answers I was seeking. Or, maybe I was getting them but did not have the humility to listen or the compassion to understand and accept. Put simply, I was not ready for the Divine to reveal itself to me.

In 2013, a series of turbulent events, a bitter marriage breakdown, a sudden loss of a friend, and appalling betrayals of trust by very close people shook my world to its core and brought me down to my knees.

The excruciating pain and agonising hurt and ache in my heart dragged me down to an unfathomable void, a dark and deep place where I could see no light or way out.

I was shattered like fragments of glass beyond repair or recognition. I could not see the beauty in anyone or anything or even recognise myself anymore. Yet, I was pushing on with life as strenuously as I could, as I always did throughout my life, without pausing a second to process what was happening, oblivious to the tornado spiralling violently inside me. Noticing my disturbed state of mind, my children forced me to go on a yoga retreat to help me forget, heal and find my way back home.       

On a sacred mountain in a faraway land, I bared my soul naked on the floor before the yoga guru and a group of total strangers, seeking salvation and deliverance, a way out of my miserable existence. Little did I know this would be the most transformative, eye-opening and healing experience of my entire life!  

It was a moment in time when the entire world had stopped around me, and my body could no longer hold me. It looked like I had travelled up to another universe I can’t even describe in words because no words can do it justice. It is indescribable and incomprehensible to the physical eye. I was slowly melting, yet expanding, and nothing could contain me.

I could sense my self/soul getting out of my body, transcending the visible and touchable to a higher realm, stretching into this colourful thread of light with no end or beginning, merging with an amorphous cloud of mesmerising light and colour, interlaced with an infinite number of boundless celestial beings that exuded light and love.

Embraced with so much love, vast and intense, I felt it consumed all of my being; it was part of me and I part of it, no separation. Just as the wave merges with the ocean or the flame vanishes in the burning fire, my soul became an inseparable, indistinguishable particle of this magnificent dance of light and love.    

It was at that moment when I saw God’s real face. The Divine in its purest form, an all-encompassing love, immeasurable and beyond comprehension. The only comparable description I could find to my encounter was that of a ‘Near Death Experience’.

As special as this encounter was, the vessel through which this message and healing were delivered was more miraculous than the healing itself. As a religious Christian, I had my own views and preconceptions of what divine healing or intervention should look like and who could perform it, driven by my narrow mindedness and absence of true love and empathy.

I never had in my wildest dreams envisaged that my healing would be at the hands of a Buddhist, Sri Lankan, gay, male yoga guru. I could not even begin to tell you what this meant for me. For God and my beloved Jesus (who I am now sure is my master spirit guide) to reach out and connect with me through the person I would least expect, you could not fathom the momentousness and significance of this message for me.

Powerful, yet simple and crystal clear, “Undo all past learning and conditioning, open up and embrace all.”     

Yet, my healing was not complete until I had the compassion, humility and empathy to see beyond the human face. It was only when I was able to forgive all those who hurt me, betrayed me or violated me in any way, but most of all, I was able to forgive myself.

It was only when I acquired the profound wisdom of compassion and cultivated the unconditional love and acceptance of all beings as one. Until I abandoned all the misconceptions, prejudgements and prejudices so entrenched and deeply rooted in my psyche and embraced all beings regardless of religion, race, colour, ethnicity, background, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

For now, I have seen how interconnected we all are. I have seen the universal oneness of all. 

Ever since my path has been clearer and my search for my life purpose, which had consumed my whole energy after cancer, is no longer relevant. My presence here and now is all that matters, and I must make the most of it. I am here to live my truth, to love and serve to the best of my ability.

Since then, life has been working in a bizarre but charmingly curious way, and I have been in a state of awe and reverie. Mysterious people have appeared to lend a hand or show me the way along the path. Baffling events and opportunities arose opening intangible doors for me to peak in, resurrecting sweet and bitter memories of the past, forcing me to face my deepest fears and insecurities and ushering me to a place of acceptance, serenity, contentment and peace.

It has been an illuminating voyage into the unknown. At times torturous yet exquisitely magical, arduous yet profoundly transformative, excruciating yet deeply liberating and healing.

While life’s challenges are constant and never-ending because our journey is not over until we reach our final destination, our union with the Divine, my existence is no longer a burden on my soul, but a joyful and enlightening ride, which may be bumpy at times but worth the effort.

With my newly acquired perspective and set of eyes, I clearly see now that I am not this limited physical form I chose to dwell in this life. I am the soul beneath, the eternal light within, a spark of the Divine Infinite Energy that is perfect, innocent and pure.