Seeking the truth: our path to enlightenment

While we all try to make sense of the senseless and digest the immensity of events in this time of profound upheaval, I think we all can afford to be more compassionate and kind to ourselves and each other. Perhaps we can also be more selfless and loving in the way we approach other people and situations.

Undoubtedly, coping with the disruption to our normal life, or our perception of the norm as we saw it until today, requires tremendous patience and resilience. For many, their lives have been turned upside down by COVID-19. Our words, no matter how sympathetic and loving, cannot erase their suffering, be it from illness, loneliness, grief over loved ones or fear of losing their livelihoods. As if reality is not grim enough, we are constantly bombarded by confronting scenes and sensational headlines flashed onto our big TV screens, stirring in us greater fear and intensifying the tension in our living rooms.   

Recently, I was reading an article on how COVID-19 has radically changed us and our cities, disrupting the sense of place that many local governments have strived to achieve for decades. As urban designers, we place a high value on creating a sense of place, which gives the city its unique identity and image. However, with strict social or physical distancing measures in place and the fear of contracting the virus from any external element, our public environment itself is becoming a threat. The article argues the virus is somewhat redefining our sense of place and the way we view and experience cities. While this may be true to a great extent, what really struck me was the term ‘transformative stressors’.

The article defines transformative stressors as “those rare events that cause severe and intense social, environmental and economic impacts that are at all scale and felt at every level of a society. Profound shocks are felt all at once in economic activity, human health and social order. Almost everybody endures multiple forms of disruption.” It notes that transformative stressors can be unforgiving and potentially catastrophic in exposing problems and weaknesses in cities given the integrated nature of their systems.

What seemed a distant worry in the past becomes an immediate threat when a transformative stressor hits a city and things that were once reliable and comfortable no longer are, forcing people to respond by changing their behaviour.

I could not help but dwell on the last part. Transformative stressors can potentially be catastrophic in exposing existing problems because of the interconnection and interdependence of city systems. It seems to me that the pandemic has not only managed to disrupt our city systems but our entire social fabric, threatening the foundations upon which our societies were built.    

Transformative Stressors & Spiritual Enlightenment 

Now I don’t claim to have a deep or intimate knowledge of the history of African Americans or great insight into their past suffering, or even that of the Aboriginal Australians or any other indigenous people in any part of the world. I do think however I can somehow relate, even if slightly, to these issues as an immigrant woman who has experienced various forms of discrimination and prejudice throughout my life.

To be honest, I am disheartened to see this happening in first world countries which I naively thought have climbed up the ladder of progress, evolved and in some ways transcended the pitiful realities of third world countries where I come from. A world where I thought my children could live peacefully, safely and be treated fairly and free from discrimination. I am not oblivious to the violence, genocide, ethnic cleansing and various atrocities scarring the history of mankind. However, my perception of first-world nations was that of more sophisticated and enlightened societies that have greater respect for human life and rights.

Therefore, I was genuinely touched and saddened when I heard African American mothers saying all they wanted was to live in a just world. A world where they didn’t have to worry about their children potentially not coming home just because of their skin colour, or for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. My heart broke to pieces, and tears filled my eyes. As a mother myself that would be my worst nightmare. It was precisely what set me out on my journey across the globe in search of a peaceful and dignified life for my children. So, am I surprised to see the desperation of protesters in America after the death of yet another black person in such a ruthless and coldblooded manner? Of course, I am not!

I am equally disturbed and troubled by the brutality with which the Aboriginal Australians were treated in the past and dismayed by the racism they endure today. Parallels can be drawn between them, African Americans and many other races and ethnic groups all over the world, including my own people.

You may think I am naive to propose there could be a place in this world that is free of discrimination and prejudice of any kind, but I believe in us, in humans, having the capacity to create that just and enlightened world. After all, the world is our perception of all that is. It is the product of our own creation as ‘A Course in Miracles’ informs us, and as I perceive it now.

Undoubtedly, the magnitude of protests in American, Australian and many other cities around the globe despite the COVID-19 restrictions, reflects the state of agitation the whole world is experiencing right now, and to some degree the discordance of our collective human psyche. The uproar and fury of the crowds may be described as an overreaction to the situation, but this rage has been brewing for millennia, triggered by the inherent inequities and injustice in societal systems and the many phobias ingrained in our subconscious minds.

In a way, this Transformative Stressor is uprooting the collective traumas of our human consciousness to clear the soil for new growth and pave the way for our rebirth, spiritual awakening and transformation, our enlightenment.

It is up to each and every individual as to whether they take up the chance and ride the wave of change that is hitting every corner of the planet or to waver and pull back, fearing the discomfort brought by such metamorphosis, failing to recognise that no growth is possible without a price tag.

For those who surrender and let the tide sweep them away, 2020 could bring a revolution in awareness, an avalanche of disturbances that could open unimaginable doors and opportunities for transformation and enlightenment. The anguish and distress might sound at times intolerable, but the rewards could be immeasurable – pearls of wisdom manifesting in precious moments of realisation.

Sadly, many may choose to remain as bystanders and watch the crowd move and the whole world shift to another realm of reality while they are stuck there motionless. Apprehensive and fearful of diving into the sea, they opt to hold onto a false sense of security instead of trusting their inner voice and the Divine Intelligence to lead them to safety.

Surrendering to all that is

As spirits living a human life in this physical world, we stagger along the path trying to find our way, seeking knowledge and wisdom in the visible and tangible world outside ourselves: what we can see and perceive with our own eyes as reality, what we can touch and feel.

Many years may pass in our lives with no distinct memories or distinguishable features, mere digits added to our age. Others may sparkle like shooting stars bringing smiles to our faces, reminding us of joyous occasions or significant milestones that brought immense satisfaction. Yet and in the midst of all, a year or a period in our lives may stand out distinctly, pulsating with life as if transpiring at this very moment. Though tumultuous, it remains strikingly etched in our psyche and encrypted in our subconscious minds because it somehow shaped who we are today.

Years slid by in my life with no trace, mere digits. Some were rewarding and gratifying while others left painful, horrifying and even shameful memories I try to repress every time they resurface. These are best kept buried deep within to spare me pain and agony.

Yet, in the midst of all, a single year glows triumphantly, marred by much heartache, distress and turmoil but also mammoth growth, flashings of lightening that invoked major shifts in my perception and awareness. So gripping it left deep wounds and stubborn scars that refuse to wear out, but also a trail of epiphanies and breakthroughs.

Our ancestors said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn. Also, the ancient Zen masters said: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” It is not coincidental though that the two often occur concurrently, for if you are not at your darkest moment, you won’t fall to your knees and beg the Divine Grace for a way out. You won’t fully surrender to all that is.

In 2013, following years of tottering and stumbling over many hurdles while on my spiritual path, my life took a dramatic turn. The Universe had conspired to finally release me from my own imprisonment, but such freedom would not come at a small price. All the sheltering walls I had built around myself came crumbling down, one by one, bringing down with them the false sense of security, order and stability I thought I had established in my life. My long, albeit rocky, marriage ended in a way I had never expected despite my earnest efforts to constantly patch up the incompatible and irreparable scraps of a life lived in denial, fear and a dreadful sense of guilt, deeply rooted in my subconscious from the many decades of conditioning and my conservative catholic upbringing.

It was as if the Divine challenged me to either honour my truth, break the shackles and run free or continue to live a fallacious life that was totally irreconcilable and inconsistent with my values and principles. Though agonising and nerve-wracking, the decision was lucidly clear, and the choice was already made for me by the heavens above. I only had to follow the signs and trust my inner light to show me the way out.     

The reality of the shameful double-life I was living hit me hard and struck me to my core. Picking up the pieces and trying to move on was not that easy. The roller-coaster of life seemed to be spinning around vigorously, tossing me from one end to another. Moving house, resettling and adapting to yet another uprooting experience, all while coping with court appearances and continuing to work and function as a normal human being. All had taken its toll on my mind and body.

As if this was not enough, at the same time my world was rocked by the sudden departure of a beautiful, exuberant soul that crossed my path many years earlier: another grim reminder of the fragility of life and the impermanence of our existence. We were not very close friends but certainly connected on a soul level. The irony was that this fine soul had been advising me on how to care for my own body and look after my health after my cancer diagnosis to help prolong my life.

A few years younger than me, Tina was an intuitive, inspired and inspirational figure that touched whoever crossed her path. Her boundless love of others, positive outlook, heart-warming presence, and sincere gratitude for what life had offered her were contagious, uplifting and inspiriting. Her charming smile was infectious, forcing you to smile back.

Mourning a precious life cut short, and maybe on a deeper level my own ephemeral existence, while coping with my life’s strenuous demands made me extremely emotional and angry. The turmoil inside was crushing me down and wearing me out. The betrayals that came with the fall of my marriage and revelations that shook my world were most debilitating. The disruption and unrest sent my already brittle self to a place where I had been many times throughout my life. This time though, the darkness of the void within was so stark and crippling that there was no way out. The shattered pieces of myself were so minute and unrecognisable beyond repair.

In this precarious state of mind and defeated sense of self, surrendering to the Divine in the hope it might save me from my misery came easy and without a struggle. I could no longer trust my intellect, so putting my hands up and crying out for a divine intervention was my last resource.

I had embarked on my search for a life purpose many years earlier, after my encounter with cancer and the death of yet another friend from cancer, but I had always hit a brick wall. Looking back at it now, I can see with clarity that I was not ready for the Divine to reveal itself to me. There was a lot of baggage, much resentment and many grievances that needed to be aired out.

Agreeing to go on yet another yoga retreat was a cold and robotic response, and I only did it to please my children. By then I had been to so many places in search of answers, including various yoga retreats, only to come back with more questions than I left with.

The moment of realisation  

For the first time I went with no expectations but with no resistance either. Walking towards the yoga guru the first morning with my offerings as  customary for the Buddhist Balinese locals, I was carrying my broken heart in my hands. The sheer magnitude of my grief made me feel so utterly jaded and transparent. I felt like people could see through me, naked to the bones, no skin to cover my bareness and humiliation. There was no place to hide. My transparency revealed my innermost fears, inadequacies, frailties and most of all, my raw pain, despair and sheer vulnerability. I had been tested to my absolute limit. I could no longer handle the pain, so I resigned to accept the worst that could happen to me.

The moment the guru extended his arms out, held my arms in a crucifix-like form and touched my forehead with his, the world went blank. For an eternal instant, I had delved into the unknown with a soul I barely knew, yet it felt like part of me.

A pitch-black void appeared, soon to disappear and be taken over by a surreal vision, a dazzlingly vibrant light that expanded and reached out to embrace me.

Soon I had morphed into this shapeless mass and merged with infinite celestial beings in this mesmerising ball of light. For an eternal moment, my whole being was electrified by this indescribably loving and soothing energy that pervaded all my senses, held me tenderly like a benevolent mother and assured me that all was, and will always be, well.

My soul was cocooned in this exquisite light and suffused in infinite energy that is beyond this world; an all-encompassing, all-embracing and omnipresent love in its purest and most transcendent form. I was finally home! One with the Divine and entire creation! No separation!

At last, my eyes were wide open to witness the universal truth and oneness of all, our interconnectedness and interdependence on a higher spiritual level. I saw the divinity and unity of all beings.  

There it was, my epiphany, the moment I had awaited for many long years, materialising at the hands of a Buddhist yoga guru.

And there it was, the dark night of my soul that brought the teacher, but only when I was ready – ready to listen, surrender to the moment and let the Divine intelligence hold me and heal me.

The days that followed that encounter were nothing short of enchanting and miraculous on every level. Soaking in the magnificence of the experience and the deep gratitude that came with it, I felt like I was floating wherever I went, hovering with masses of splendid white and yellow butterflies that seemed to joyously follow me around. I knew deep in my heart these were messengers from my angels and spirit guides. I could sense the Divine’s presence in every creature, every sound, every whisper, every leaf flicker and breeze touching my face. Everything around me was so vivid and animate, emanating light, love and splendour.

Heaven on earth 

Nestled among majestic mountains on a discreet hill, surrounded by Buddhist temples and overlooking deep valleys with cascading rivers and waterfalls, the place is just breathtakingly picturesque, serene, captivating and immersive. You could sit there by the river, or on the rocks submerged in the water and contemplate forever.

My reflective moments by the sacred river were agonisingly painful, yet intensely healing and restorative. Bathing in its water was cleansing and invigorating. There were times where I felt my soul had merged with the river, just like a drop of water losing its identity and becoming one with the energy of everything around, the birds, the wind, the trees, and the humble insects.

At times, it felt like the water was gushing through me, into the depth of my soul, washing away the most stubborn stains and healing the deepest wounds of my inner self. A constant flux of conflicting emotions stirring in myself taking me from one extreme to another, from bursts of tears and distressed screams of bemoaning to shouts of joy and jubilation.

Retreating in that remote and exotic place that sounded so strangely familiar, my soul was so ecstatic and peaceful, guzzling this motherly healing and uplifting energy that renewed my spirit and injected in me a new life and a deep sense of calm, bliss and equanimity.

As I continued to let the Divine do its work and just surrender to its will, more windows of joy opened up to me, bringing fleeting moments of euphoria. At one of the evening yoga sessions, flickering lights sparkled to my right and left in a dazzling rhythmic flow while I was in the cobra position. It did feel like the veil had lifted between the two worlds, as they say, and I was somewhere in between, gleefully marvelling at both, and at the synchronicity of events as they unfolded.

On the third night of my stay, I had an unexpected guest. Just after turning the light off and retiring to bed having given up on chasing out the mouse that was sharing my room, a soft green light permeated the space. Bewildered and baffled, looking from beneath the sheets up the wall behind my bed, my eyes caught yet another oddity.

A green, ghost-like figure, with its lower half partly trapped behind what looked like a lattice screen, was palpably embossed on the wall behind my head. For quite some time, this presence pervaded my room, startling me and my humble rodent friend, who had finally come to a standstill and stopped chewing its way through my bag. You may not believe this, but as soon as the light left the room, the mouse’s gnawing sound returned.

The following day, after some inquiries, I learnt that the place was haunted by the departed souls of the monks who lived in the numerous temples and monasteries around the village. The Buddhist locals genially share their abode with these souls who seem to be drawn to places with high energy vibrations, which could open portals to the eternal light and take them back home. There is no doubt in my mind now that the hypnotic chanting that was heard day and night from the temples and made the place feel like heaven attracted these souls.

You may be a skeptic as I was before that experience, but believe it or not, that was not my last encounter with spirits. I know now that ghosts are souls that failed to join the light when the portal opened for them, choosing to stay in this realm for some unfinished business. In most cases, this business relates to their loved ones whom they think would suffer without them.

Enlightenment: Awakening to our inner reality

Since that incident, I had a few other encounters with spirits who are still gracing our realm. The most recent was a young soul who occupied the house we live in now. The previous owners were an elderly couple who moved to a retirement village. The house had a heavy and unsettling energy, and my dogs were barking at nothing in the dark of the night. They would often stand in the second bedroom and bark at one of the corners for hours. I could sense the energy and so could a couple of my intuitive friends.

As more information came to light, I found out that the previous owners had a young daughter who departed this world way before her time. Her soul did not move to the light and chose to stay back with her grieving parents. As they moved on with their lives, the young daughter’s spirit gladly departed this realm, leaving no trace in our home, only blessings and miracles.

So you see, we are spiritual beings before we come to this realm to live our human lives. The physical body is a mere shadow of the eternal and everlasting spirit. Yet, we choose to walk away from the indestructible soul and follow the transient shadow. The ego or false self is cunning and quite convincing in making us believe this is our permanent home, that our suffering is real, that we are alone and that the world is full of darkness.

To lift the veil and see the infinite realm of potential, we need to ascend above and beyond the misconceptions of our limited inner reality, for it is anything but limited. It is boundless, enduring and perpetual!

Many may question and dismiss my experiences as hallucinations, but is it probable that thousands and even millions of people witness the same states of mind? Even if it is, how could these experiences be so alike? If you do some research on documented cases of ‘Near Death Experience’, you will invariably find that divine light and unity are common threads in almost all. They may present differently to each based on their background and upbringing, but the commonalities in these experiences are astounding, further evidence of our oneness.

For me, it is beyond conviction. It is an absolute truth I know in the depth of my heart. We are one! One with the Divine and entire Creation! Our misery started when we chose separation from the Divine, from the light that created us, the energy of which we are sparks, atoms.

Our strength lies in our unity and solidarity and our weakness in our separateness and division. Only when we see our brothers and sisters as reflections of ourselves, regardless of their colour, race, religion, ethnicity and any other physical attribute we assign to them, we can reach enlightenment. Only when we can extend our hands and open our hearts to embrace their frailties, when we hold them with compassion, empower and lift them up to be our equals on every level, only then we can glimpse our collective inner reality.

Our egos are quick to judge and make assumptions. Unfortunately, they can be rowdy and drown the calls of our souls and overpower our inner voices. The incredibly wild times we are witnessing now call for extraordinary responses and actions. It is time we stand up to the minority that creates division in our world and say that is enough. It is time we say we refuse to be led by you and your egos, and we choose love and unity over hatred and separation.

Does it surprise me that such a minuscule virus has turned our world upside down? NO! Does it surprise me that it is still rampaging, tearing our world apart and wreaking havoc? No!

After many torturous months of fighting, the WHO warns us that the pandemic is still accelerating. We need to recognise the reality that the virus itself is not our greatest threat, but “the lack of global solidarity and global leadership… We cannot defeat this pandemic with a divided world.” The politicisation of the pandemic has exacerbated its impact. We need to realise that only a few benefit from this, the privileged minority who fail to comprehend that whatever advantages or betterment they gain from this are only temporary. They fail to grasp the simple fact that creating more animosity, hostility and disharmony in the world will not only hurt and enslave others but also their own souls.

The last six months have seen the world change before our eyes like never before. We are now reaching a turning point in time, a point where we need to rethink the way we do things since the ‘normal’ that we are accustomed to is no longer an option, and is simply incapable of healing, regenerating and reinventing our world.

We are all called to step up, hold each other’s hands and walk together into this new level of consciousness. We are summoned to die to the old self and rebirth to the new self. Only the death of the old self will bring inner peace, freedom and enlightenment.

Ultimately, the dark night of the soul will come to each and every one. We can choose to move through it with grace and compassion, compassion to ourselves and our fellow humans, and by doing so, accelerate our growth and the healing of our whole world. Or we can let this one in a lifetime opportunity pass and miss the boat altogether without realising that it could take another life, or a few, with its own challenges and shakeups to reignite in us the spark kindled by the pandemic.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a prominent Zen master in the art of mindfulness, reminds us we are all one family, children of the earth, and that a positive change in individual awareness will bring about a positive change in the collective awareness. Like many spiritual teachers and enlightened souls, he reminds us that:

“We are here to awaken from our illusion of separateness.”

For so long, we have been sleepwalking through life led by our subconscious minds, our egos, who instill in us distorted thoughts of separation and disconnection from our real selves, our consciousness. It is our inner reality that indeed dictates what happens in our lives, how we react to it and project that out to the world.

We all have the strength and resilience we need to get through life’s challenges, including this one. It is within our reach. We can find our light, even in the darkest hours of our lives. We only need to ask the Divine for help. We are never forgotten or alone, and we are loved beyond measure! God assures us:

“See, I will not forget you. I have carved you on the palm of my hand.” Isaiah 49:15

When we operate from a higher place of love and unity, we cannot but accept and forgive our fellow humans, regardless of the hurt and pain they inflicted on us. For only then we can see them through our own light and recognise their and our inner reality and its wholly unchanged and unchangeable nature.

We were created by love itself, the eternal light, and we cannot be anything else but love. ‘A Course in Miracles’ reminds us that we are parts of God. Our oneness with the Divine entitles us to all the scared and sublime qualities the Divine possesses. The Course articulates this eloquently in these simple yet powerful lines:

• “Love created me like itself.
• Holiness created me holy.
• Kindness created me kind.
• Helpfulness created me helpful.
• Perfection created me perfect.”

It stresses that through forgiveness we can express the light within us, heal ourselves and the world and bring peace to every mind and to the world.

• “Fear binds the world. Forgiveness sets it free.”
• “The ego seeks to divide and separate.  Spirit seeks to unify and heal.”

Enlightenment means to be true expressions of the Divine Love and Light, which is our inherent nature. We can only reach it when we realise that we are sons and daughters of the Divine and can only assume its virtuous characteristics, when we transcend our egos and see all as one.

Love, peace and blessings to all