The fear of the unknown

In my last post, I spoke about the state of distress and turmoil our world has been witnessing in recent times, and how 2020 and the new decade we all hoped would bring peace and healing to the world had begun on the wrong page.

Just a few weeks ago I was walking my dogs and the inspiration for this month’s blog came to me, but now I feel that topic is so irrelevant to the times we are living right now. It sounds surreal and somewhat improbable in the vast realm of possibilities for humans to be facing a challenge that no one had imagined or fathomed; an invisible enemy that has no regard to rules, boundaries, classes, religions, races, or any other classification or categorization we find ourselves often drawn to create separation and division.

For if you think about it, when was the last time the world encountered a global pandemic of such scale and magnitude that crossed international borders and shut down cities? The only comparable experience that comes to mind is perhaps 1918 when the Spanish Flu pandemic tore across the globe infecting a third of the world’s population and killing over 20 million people. I guess what has baffled the world today is how could we be so vulnerable despite the enormous medical and technological advancement achieved since then.

Just recently the Prime Minister said in one of his speeches that the focus of the Australian government is on ensuring the economy would survive such a blow. He stressed his commitment to take every precautionary measure and assign any necessary resources and funds to keep the economy afloat. He warned of a potentially gloomy future, which could see many governments collapse and even worse, entire countries crumble.

Wow! Imagine this, the idea of a world with no countries, no borders, no barriers, and no divisions. What a novel concept for our human race? This notion may frighten many, but what if this is the perfect world humans have aspired to since the dawn of time? Why do we have always to assume the worst out of every situation or challenge? Why don’t we think of the infinite possibilities that could be presented by this? As optimists would say, why do we see the glass half empty, not half full?

As in any other challenge, a tremendous opportunity could be lying ahead as a result of this hardship that hit us all indiscriminately. For now, it is not about some groups feeling sorry or sympathizing with others for their misfortunes, be it wars, fires, volcanos, hurricanes, or whatever might be threatening their existence. We all are in this together. The ship is sinking, and we all are aboard. Each and every one of us is at risk. If your life is not in jeopardy, your job is, or your loved ones’ lives are. We are all affected somehow, directly or indirectly.

The ruthless nature of this beast is horrifying, and its unpredictability is unnerving and intimidating, forcing us to re-evaluate the entire way of life as we have become accustomed to. To some degree, the beast is establishing a new norm unseen and unheard of before. At the same time, it is opening new doors and presenting undreamt-of opportunities for social interaction and connection on a global scale.

Everyone is trying to search in their souls for what could help them and others in this fight. Love is resurfacing in its altruistic and most humane form. Perhaps, by bringing us together virtually – on the ether, the virus is reawakening in us an ancient memory that has stayed dormant since primordial time. That is the remembrance of our interdependence on each other and our interconnectedness on a deeper level.

There must be a reason for this catastrophic occurrence. As I say always, nothing is by coincidence; everything is planned and calculated in the other realm, by the higher Universal Consciousness that governs all, of which we are fragments, sparks.

Our Mother Earth has been crying for healing for a long time, and our worn-out, empty words and slow actions couldn’t rescue her in time. The alarming state of imbalance and tension in the world had to come to an end. There was a need for divine intervention to bring the planet back to a state of balance and equanimity.

Our human race is witnessing an unparalleled shakeup, an enormous shift in the universal consciousness. Our clues are right here before our eyes. The heavy vibration of our world is not only harming our planet but also disfiguring our humanness and defacing our divineness. Healing our planet comes from inside out, not the other way around. If our souls are not restored to their innocence, our world cannot heal.

Throughout history, evidence can be found of extraordinary transformations instigated by momentous challenges. So, what if all this chaos is the Divine’s message to us all, reawaken my people and go back to your inherent nature – unconditional love and pure light? For this is who we are innately and will remain forever, no matter which form or shape we choose to take in this life or another. Our narrow sight only sees a tiny fraction of the vast spectrum – the boundless, infinite potential.

By saying this, I do not mean to undermine the seriousness of this calamity or underestimate the pain and suffering brought on millions of people throughout the world. I would be lying if I say that I, myself, have not endured moments of heavy emotions and depressing moods. It is all part of the physical body experience to react, analyse and project onto the future. I do, however, believe we can get through this, as we managed to do countless times over the millions and perhaps billions of years of life on this planet.

As ever, when the black clouds dampen my mood, and life’s tragedies deject my spirit, I remind myself of the greatest lessons of all, our impermanence – the transient nature of our existence.

At times like these, vexatious memories suppressed long ago may resurface. Flashbacks of the past might reignite in us the ever-present fear of the future. A paralysing sense of despair and hopelessness may take over us, a natural reaction of the human form, as we feel our control over our lives is progressively diminished.

With the physical distancing measures imposed almost everywhere in the world to fight the pandemic and minimise its spread, the sense of isolation, confusion and entrapment is permeating, triggering panic and anxiety. We see images of people fighting over products in the shops, the panic buying and the illogical overreaction that might sound comical at times, as sad this may sound, all driven by fear, fear of the unknown.

Even I feel vulnerable at times despite the many years of spiritual practice and the tools I have developed over the years to manage my emotions and anxiety, like prayer, meditation and mindfulness.

For me, the sense of isolation and entrapment appears to have brought visions of some prehistoric times, ghostly scenes I thought I had long buried in the deepest folds of my subconscious mind. It is remarkable to watch how powerful and deceiving our minds are, exquisitely calibrated to retrieve every painful memory to instil fear and self-doubt. Their determination to resuscitate every phobia we had throughout our lives and bring it back in full colour, magnified for a heightened dramatic effect on our psyche, never dies out. But, if it is not for this, we would never dare to venture into the dark, eerie caves of our subconscious mind, reopen the closets and confront our fears, learn the lessons we need to grow as spiritual beings.

A blurry vision long repressed in my psyche recalled from the depth of my inner being, vivid and animate, staring me in the eye and daring me to venture through.

In a tiny old, rusty metal shed in the middle of nowhere, on a cold, wet night, cramped with a few people, I find myself sitting on the metal ledge fixed to the shed’s rotted walls. Clasping my baby girl so hard to my chest, I could have easily choked her while trying to comfort and quieten her down. My four-year-old son asleep in his father’s arms, who was sitting next to me in utter silence. After crossing the misty river and its marshlands mostly on foot, our bodies and clothes were heavily saturated with moisture. Frightened, shivering and praying for a divine hand to reach down and take us all, we huddled together in the sodden, overcrowded shed.

This was our fifth attempt at escaping Turkey and trying to cross into Greece where we had a better chance of applying and being accepted as refugees in one of the countries that took people like us, Australia, Canada or America. A place we can call home, where we can find a dignified safe life for our children and us at last. We had attempted this laborious journey a few times before but were not successful. In each endeavour, we were closer to death than the one preceding it. The dangers were many, being shot at by the borders’ soldiers, drowning in the river, or merely passing out of exhaustion after long walks in the bushes. So to survive the river crossing and alight in a Greek territory safely was a massive accomplishment, and we were encouraged by that.

You might ask why I would risk my life and my children’s lives and expose them to such danger. I say because I love them so much and want them to have a better life than the one they would have had if we had stayed in Iraq. We arrived in Turkey using our Iraqi passports, but shortly after that, our visas expired. We had no options but to find someone to smuggle us out, or we would have risked being deported back to Iraq.

In that defunct remote shed, we found refuge after crossing the river between Turkey and Greece, arriving just before midnight, waiting for our Greek guide. Sitting there in that tight, dark and damp space, trusting a stranger with what was left of our whole lives, our savings, exhausted and hungry, we felt powerless. Our salvation was at the hands of this young man who managed to convince us that he had the keys to the Promised Land. We had no other choice but to believe him.

The night drew long, and our guide did not show up. We were promised we would only stay in the shed for a couple of hours, but broken promises were easy to come around in this underground world, and we had experienced many on our journey. We had become so numb that we could not feel the pain of disappointment anymore.

A few voices could be heard in the distance. We rejoiced thinking it was our ride, soon to realise these were the Greek border patrols passing by on their routine check. Total silence fell over the place. We all held our breath forcibly and shushed the children, nearly smothering them. You could hear a pin touching the ground if you had dropped one.

A few minutes passed, the voices weakened and became distant, eventually disappearing in the darkness of the night. Luckily they did not hear or see anything suspicious. Otherwise, they would have come in to inspect the gloomy, dilapidated shed. Though it would have sounded improbable and somewhat insane to think that anyone would make this run-down shed their shelter, especially on such a freezing night. The heavy rain filtered through the numerous holes in the roof, filling the place. The water rose to our knees, yet, not a murmur or a sigh could be heard. To us, this dingy shed was our haven so long as it shielded us and kept us invisible to the prying eyes of the outside world.

As silence fell over and the tense emotions loosened a bit, everything was calm again. The calmness of the night did not however muffle our racing thoughts. My eyes were blinking unstoppably as exhaustion had taken over my body. I tried my best to keep them wide open, but all my efforts went in vain. As I drifted into the subconscious, fuzzy scenes, featureless faces and shadowy figures remerged from the past, rolling in front of my eyes, elusive dreams from a past life maybe. So vague and indistinct, barely recognisable! My body was drained, and my mind was playing tricks on me.

Sirens, explosions and chaotic scenes rushing one after the other in my head. The scene that featured most was the tiny cellar in the back of my kitchen that had become my shelter and saved my and my children’s lives so many times. The scenes of the numerous funerals of soldiers marching through our streets reminding us of the precious young lives lost to senseless and meaningless wars. The patriotic songs on the radio were hammering us with the virtues of sacrificing our lives for our country, repeatedly replayed like a broken record.

We are winning the war, they proclaimed. Really? How could you win a war? No matter how unyielding and cunning you are, you cannot win a war. Your body might not die, but your soul is dead. How could your soul survive the horrors you witnessed? There is no victory or glory in war! Only losers! All are losers. Tears, agony, unbearable pain and intense grief are what you are left with.

As the wind blew through the cracks of the abandoned shed, it blew my thoughts away, waking me up. I opened my eyes only to realise that I was still there, in that dreadful nightmare with faces I barely knew, united by our common blight. My children looked so innocent and angelic, incognizant of the peril we were facing. My mind started whipping me ferociously, “how selfish of you? How dare you put your children through this?”

I thought to myself we could have stayed back home. Why did I do this to my children? But then, stayed back home for who and what. ‘Home’ was gone long ago. Nothing of what was left resembled home anymore. When you lose your centre, your sense of self and peace of mind, the concept of an earthly home becomes so loose and cryptic. The many wars we fought had killed many of our loved ones, displaced others and scarred those left. Families were torn apart, and children were orphaned. Why do humans inflict such pain on themselves and each other? I often reflected.

More of those poignant memories sprung to mind, taking ghostly figures, apparitions chasing my dreams away just like a thick fog diffused in the air, leaving no trace. Excruciating grief and intense sensations subdued me as I wept solemnly and quietly, wept for those children who didn’t see the light, for those whose lives were cut short way before their time, for those wounded souls that searched continuously for answers. My body shuddered, and my eyes dazed like in a trance. The bloodied, limbless bodies on the streets during the war and after the rebellion that followed the Gulf War; the nameless sons and daughters who were on the wrong side at the wrong time, haunted me. The laughter of children playing in the streets that had long gone, reverberated in my ears.

Another eye flicker and spine quiver and I was awake again. As my vision turned around the shed, barely discernible in the dim moonlight that filtered through the holes. The shadowy figures of the people around me waiting in hope, the rotting benches, the cobwebs on the walls, the thick layers of dust and dirt around me were all grim reminders of that illusory place I once called home. Abandoned homes, destructed roads, mutilated bodies, lifeless faces, traumatised survivors, broken hearts and scarred souls were all that was left.

The night dragged on, and patience ran out. When was our deliverer coming? The smuggler tried to reassure us, frequently murmuring, “Our guide should be here soon.”

Our hearts were racing as the darkness of the night started to fold over and the day creep slowly. The whole group is getting restless but cannot move. If our guide did not show up soon, we couldn’t stay in the shed in the bright daylight. We would be exposed. We would be no longer invisible as we were in the darkness of the night, and this would jeopardise our mighty effort and risk our lives.

“Oh, Lord you promised to protect us” I sighed softly. My prayers interrupted by my tears. I couldn’t bear the thought of being sent back as we were depleted physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. This was our last hope and, if wasted, we didn’t know where we would end up. We couldn’t go back to Iraq, having lost our home, jobs, and everything we had, that is if we were lucky enough not to be arrested for treason.

By then, Saddam’s government was back in power, ruthless and more anxious than ever before to get rid of anyone who conspired against it, participated in or contributed to the insurgency and rebellion, or assisted anyone who did in some way or form. Since there was no accurate record of who did what, anyone was a potential suspect, especially if they tried to escape the country. I couldn’t bear the thought of what would be awaiting us if we were shipped back to Iraq.

The minutes passed like decades, and our ‘saviour’ was nowhere to be seen. Apprehensive and terrified of the prospect of what was to come, my body was shaking as if in a convulsive fit. The freezing temperature was penetrating my soul, not only my body. To calm myself, I squeezed my baby girl to my heart and started caressing her beautiful face and singing soft, barely audible, lullabies in her ears, while holding back my tears.

At last, a whistle and a sound like a bird chirping are heard. Our smuggler poked his head out to inspect, and there it was, our deliverer and guide finally there. In no time, we all rushed out and cramped into a car parked behind the large tree, across the field. A deep sense of relief fell over us and our weary bodies were quickly reinvigorated by the limitless potential of the future. As the car drove by in slow motion, I opened the window to taste the freshness of the morning and sense of freedom. The beauty of the place captured my heart, and I remembered what it felt like to be alive again.

Throughout my life, despite the many trials and tribulations I encountered, I was perpetually blessed to have a divine hand reaching down to deliver my loved ones and me at the right moment, even when my debilitating doubts and mistrust consumed my mind. You see when we are in the midst of the situation, we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our fears and sorrows might turn into nightmares, a host of untamed wolves hunting us. We forget this pure gem of wisdom. There is always tomorrow if we have faith. In the words of the late legend, Bill Withers:

“Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain.

 We all have sorrow

 But if we are wise

 We know that there’s always tomorrow.”

We only need to trust and lean on each other to get through times like these. We need to swallow our pride, rise above our egos and ask for help when we need it, or extend a hand to those in need of it. It is times like these when we should look beyond the face and see the pain behind, in the hearts of our fellow humans.

It is at these times when we can retreat, delve deep into our souls in search of deliverance, which only comes from the realisation of our true nature. Freedom from pain and suffering can only be reached through the reawakening of our dormant inner self, the eternal being within, which has been patiently waiting to resurface and rise above all frailties, naturally associated with the physical body.

With the Easter season beaming at us with all of its glory and grace, it is time to reflect on the true meaning of crucifixion and resurrection. The Lord is calling, as he did thousands of years ago, “reawaken my people and see the signs,” not only through Jesus, but through many sages, prophets, mystics and spiritual teachers.

The Divine is inviting us to open our eyes and see from a higher perspective; open our hearts and trust in our inner wisdom and rise above fear; open our souls to see the unity of all that is. Only then can we reap the glorious fruits of salvation and freedom. Only purity of heart and unconditional, divine love can set us free.

Jesus carried his cross to show us the way. Have we pondered on what that meant while celebrating Easter? Only through the death of the form, can we grasp the formless. The resurrection is the destruction of the impermanent (physical form) and the restoration of the permanent (the formless, untouchable spirit).

What was Jesus communicating to us when he carried his heavy cross and walked the perilous journey to his death?

Once again, I was blessed to glimpse this in a fleeting moment of grace and clarity in the middle of the night while on a retreat, following a deeply reflective time with myself. For that, I am eternally grateful.

The cross that Jesus carried was his calling. Jesus said to us, “Carry your cross and follow me.” Many take this literally, and it could be the calling for some, but the deeper meaning of this metaphor, as revealed to me, is this: “Your cross is your calling!” Whatever you are called for, that is your cross, your burden to carry.

The resurrection of Christ is a message of healing and hope for the world. Jesus’s death and resurrection is an invitation for us to seek our own renewal, to reflect deeply on our purpose and embark on our journey.

The sense of entrapment that we might feel today could be our key to the mystical and ineffable. ‘A Course in Miracles’ tells us this:

“The world has not yet experienced any comprehensive reawakening or rebirth. Such a rebirth is impossible as long as you (we) continue to project or miscreate. It still remains within you, however, to extend as God extended His Spirit to you. In reality this is your only choice, because your free will was given for your joy in creating the perfect.”

It reminds us that we created the separation from the Divine, and by doing so, we distanced ourselves from the Creator.

“God and His creations are completely dependent on each other….

God is lonely without his Sons, and they are lonely without Him.”

We need to understand that there is Supreme Intelligence in the universe that wants to connect and come in union with us. Some call it God; others call it the Universal Consciousness. Whatever name you give it, it is the pure energy of love and light, of which we are intrinsic particles/ions, hence our continuous and relentless search for purpose, in which we seek, without knowing, union with the Divine, with our higher self.

I spent years trying to figure out my purpose in life, only to realise that it was very humble and straightforward. My mission on Earth is to love and serve to the best of my ability, in whatever I am called to do at any particular moment, and share the love and the lessons learnt along the path.

Divine, unconditional love is our innate and true nature, the essence of our souls, and when driven by that, our path is clearly defined and our purpose unfolds effortlessly in front of our eyes.

In these massively unsettling times, we are invited to rethink the way we do things and perceive the world. Seeing the world as separate to us is the root of all problems. Our negativity and fear are generating heavy and destructive vibrations threatening not only our planet but our whole existence.

Like any disasters faced by our humanity, the COVID-19 pandemic will come to an end, but there will be a price to pay just like every other battle humans fought. We have to have faith in the Divine, in our own higher intelligence and be reassured we will be safe at the end. Death is not the end, but a portal to the eternal ‘us’.

That said, I believe the future will be splendid for our race. As many spiritual thinkers foresee, our planet will move to its Golden Age, a glorious planet filled with peace and love. World peace can only come from individual peace, from within us not out. To save the Earth, we have to save ourselves.

Our humanity is beckoned to return to its Consciousness to help calm and heal our planet. We will re-emerge on the other side, stronger and more resilient than ever before. So, my friend, rest assured in knowing that you will be fine and looked after, as you always have been and will be.

Notwithstanding that, we do need to develop strategies that can help us navigate through these times safely. These tools will help us deal with the heightened stress and anxiety induced by the growing uncertainty of what is to come.

Though this may sound a cliché, these tools are available to all of us. We were born with these innate gifts. We do not need to go far to search for them, rather look deep down inside ourselves. We need to resurrect the divine love within and cultivate the sense of awareness of being one with all.

Our unity and connectedness at this time are imperative for the survival of our human race. So, let our common fear unite us. Let it strengthen us, empower us on our shared path and reinforce our conviction in our inner sanctity and sacredness.

To help you navigate through these tough times, I am sharing my daily practice with you in this post, which you will find by clicking on the new ‘Spiritual Tools’ page. These are the tools I use to cope with stressful situations, stay grounded and centred.

As we go through this together, a gentle reminder to all to reach out when you need to, or share your feelings and anxiety when life overwhelms you and you don’t see a way out. Your loved ones may not realise what is going through your head, or they could be stuck in their own tunnel. Voicing your concerns and drawing support and courage from each other can help you both get through it. Overthinking and over worrying can cause intense anxiety and unbearable suffering, which may lead to a sense of hopelessness and despair, or even thoughts of self-harm and suicide. So reach out to family, friends or even strangers who are in the same boat and willing to listen. You will be surprised to know that many others are thinking the same.

In a recent video post, Eckhart Tolle shared an important practice for this challenging time that allows us to rise above our thoughts about external circumstances and access a deeper dimension of ourselves.

He said many feel the world is falling apart. You need to separate the situation at hand from the narrative our minds create to deal with it. In Eckhart’s words, “Let go of the narrative and just be present with the situation. This moment is all that is. Your entire life unfolds in this moment. It is always now – never the now did not exist.” If action is required in the situation, take it. If not, just leave it alone and be present to what is now.

Like many mystics and spiritual thinkers, Eckhart believes we are collectively being challenged to wake up from unconscious thinking – the mind thinking and called to witness another dimension of awareness – consciousness without thought. Awareness frees us from the limited self – the mind-made self. There is a lot more to us, a deeper or higher identity. In the vast realm of consciousness, we are ripples of water, fleeting expressions of much deeper reality underneath.

In his opinion, this ‘enforced stillness’ could be the potential for awakening if we go beyond our fearful thoughts and use the power of presence and conscious awareness. The delusional mind might project to the future thinking it can control matters by doing that. You need to realise the futility and destructive nature of this thinking, he voiced. When that happens, acknowledge the narrative/thought and stop it by bringing your awareness into the now. For instance, bring your awareness into your inner body by invoking the energy of a certain part, e.g. your hand, and feel its aliveness. You will notice the fear subsiding as a result.

Do you see the parallels in Eckhart’s thinking and that of the millions of past sages, prophets, ascended masters and seekers of the light, including yourself?

Jesus said, do not worry about tomorrow because you can’t change a thing by worrying.

‘A Course in Miracles’ affirms our divinity and perfection. “You have not only been fully created, but have also been created perfect. There is no emptiness in you. Because of your likeness to your Creator you are creative.” It reminds us that as children of God, we cannot lose this ability because it is inherent in us, but we can use it inappropriately by projecting. This misuse and projection create the emptiness and sense of lack we feel. This sense of lack and impoverishment will reside in us until we are released, until we go back to our state before the separation or the “detour into fear”, accept our divine nature and reunite with the Source.

The Sufi mystic Rumi expressed the ‘union with the Divine’ in these breathtakingly eloquent and superbly expressed verses:

Yesterday, as day was breaking, the Beloved said to me…

‘You are a drop of My Ocean. Why are you still spouting words?

Come, drown in the Ocean, and fill the soul’s oyster shell with pearls.’

Peace and love to you all.